20 YEARS YOUNG

Yesterday was my 20th Birthday, Wow how time flies, and I am sure my mom is thinking the same thing. My youngest sister is 10 and in the 5th grade, and my middle sister is 14 and a freshman, and me well, I am 20 and going to be a mom myself in the next month or so.

I always wanted to get married and have a family and live a fairy tale, that started with ONCE UPON A TIME... and ended with HAPPILY EVER AFTER...
hey who knew that between the ONCE UPON A TIME and HAPPILY EVER AFTER was hard work and trials. It's taken a lot of give and take and compromise, to work through them and I have discovered that now that I am trying to do the things to get my family on the right path again and to do whats right for me and our future, the adversary is trying so much harder to stand in my way. Starting out small with things like doubt, fear, and mistrust, all of which lead to bigger problems. Questioning things, like my marriage, and why I am stuck in the situation at hand. Why didn't I go back to school? Why did I get pregnant? Why did I get married? I could be out at college with all my friends from high school... When questions and thoughts like that pop into my head I know its time to turn my thoughts off and do something productive and getting my mind on some thing else.

One day while I was cleaning out our office which is now storage/makeshift baby room. I was going through old journals and realized a couple things. 1) had I not gotten married to such a wonderful man when I did my life would have completely fallen apart and who knows where I would have ended up. 2) My mom is my role model, she showed me how to over come many things in my life by holding strong in the lord and setting an example for me and my sisters as we were growing up. I ran across a letter she had written me while I was at girls camp I don't know which year it was but I remember the circumstances under which she wrote the words of comfort and a swift kick in the butt which I needed at the time. Even when I messed up royally she still loved me and had faith in me and was able to tell me the things that I needed to hear to get me to open my eyes and realize what needed to be done. Of course I messed up many times after that but the one thing that I always had was my mom there with a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear and a few words of advice even if it wasn't what I wanted to necessarily hear at the time.

Now even at 20 years old I still need my mommy almost every day weather it be for a question about my pregnancy and a worry that I have at the moment, or just someone to talk to on a bad day. She is still my shoulder and my ear.

I am in the process of going through all of the CLUTTER in my house, finding picutres and letters and silly notes I had written to sean and everytime I find something that makes me pause for a moment, it's like the world shuts down and I remember why him. What about him made me fall in love with him and kept me interested in him even though he was 10 years my senior.
We were talking the other night and I mentioned a big reason that I was so intrigued by him. I have been BOY CRAZY all my life and the funny thing is my in-laws know this first hand, but anyways, to me holding hands a kissing was a normal part of having a boyfriend. Well with Sean there was no holding hands for at least the first few weeks so it was so much more special when it actually did happen. I was suprised with myself I usually am not shy when it comes to kissing boys or showing them I like them. Kissing was something that wasn't casual with Sean. Our first kiss was breath taking (literally) the feelings that I got weren't the normal feelings that I would get when just kissing boys this kiss felt like I had never been kissed before and the world around me just stopped and I never wanted that moment to end. cheesy yes I know but to me that was the most romantic thing that had ever been done for me. I love to think back at those little things that I had over looked once upon a time and really enjoyed experiencing them with him, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Today I have a greater appreciation for the gospel in my life, my family, and the trials that come our way...


Okay Time to get back to cleaning my house :)

<3 bailey family of (almost) 3